On Being A Chocolate Fairy

After my week away from work and home and away from everyone who knows that I am a Chocolate Fairy, I was struck with the thought, 'Am I working too hard on Being A Chocolate Fairy At All Times?' It's possible.

At work I'm surrounded by Women On Diets. We even let a room in our building to a major diet company three times a week and so I encounter dieting women wandering our corridors looking for the room, or I see them climbing the stairs to the room, or even waiting outside to be let in. If I go out to a local cafe for lunch there is invariably a table full of women squealing at the impossibility of eating what they really want and opting for something they 'know they should have' instead. Even the Press is against me … almost every day there is an article about some celeb diet that's GUARANTEED to work EVEN FOR YOU! Or a photo of some hapless celeb on holiday in a bikini whose body is instantly judged by the paper as being 'hot' or 'not'.

There seems no escape.

No-one has ever said it to me and yet I feel I Must Uphold The Chocolate Fairy Principles At All Times, even if no-one knows that's what I'm actually doing. And so I deliberately eat things at work that aren't 'allowed' on any diet (regardless of what they may claim), and I ostentatiously leave some of my food every now and then, just to show the invisible audience that I'm in control of my eating, not the other way round. I make sure the ladies-that-diet at work know I attend Zumba classes and yoga classes and that I exercise at home with my dvds. I cycle everywhere I go around town.

Does all this sound ridiculous to you?

Because it actually is, in essence, how I do want to live. I want to be able to eat whatever I like, when I choose. I want to be able to leave food because I've reached satisfaction. I want to move my body in ways that I enjoy as often as I'm able to. I LOVE being a Chocolate Fairy. I love the freedom that Beyond Chocolate has helped me to find. I want to free all women from the torment of pointless dieting.

And before you all pen furious emails to Sophie and Audrey, this is nothing that they have done. They haven’t imposed any of these expectations on any Chocolate Fairy. Of course, they do expect that we will work with the principles in our own lives and that we will work at spreading the word to as many other women as we can reach. In fact, Sophie and Audrey are better at accepting me as I am now than I have ever been. All of the above concern is actually the work of my very subtle and hard-working Gremlin.

I am good at spotting my Gremlin in some of its interjections, but this is quite a big one that my Gremlin must have been working on quite successfully for quite some time. To make me worried that I’m over-doing being a Chocolate Fairy is a remarkable achievement and I’m just glad I spotted it before too much damage was done!

So I will continue to work with the Beyond Chocolate principles in my life and, as I get better at spotting its work, I will continue to thwart my Gremlin wherever it pops up.

A good clear out

A few weeks ago the lovely Nina from Life Clubs invited me to one of her 90 minute workshops. This one focused on 'decluttering' and it was great. I went away inspired and as a result I did something this week that I've been meaning to do for a long time: I finally had a wardrobe clear-out. This was long overdue. I have been putting it off, partly because I can always think of something more pleasant/useful to do with my time, partly because I'm terrified of discovering that I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR! So on Sunday, rather than delve into my latest cookery book and find something to bake, I gently pushed myself into the bedroom armed with some sturdy bin bags for the rejects and a suitcase for the stuff that I wanted to find a better home for.

I set some ground rules before I started:

1. Anything that has not been worn in the last six months goes
(exceptions can be made for formal/party/wedding outfits
as long as they comply with rules 2 and 3).
2. Anything that I don't like goes
3. Anything that I don't feel 100% comfortable in goes

It was much harder than I thought it would be and I was surprised at some of the stuff my gremlin came up with...

...About those fabulous designer jeans I paid a fortune for 10 years ago, and which since childbirth just haven't felt right, being just a tad too tight in all the wrong places: "You never know, if you lose a couple of pounds they'd be perfect again."

...About the shapeless, grey 'wraparound' cardi I wore every day during pregnancy and in the months afterwards: "Keep it, it's perfect for fat days."

...About one of my favourite very tight and stretchy playboy bunny logo t-shirt I wore obsessively in my twenties, which reminds me of summer, Prosecco and parties and which, frankly just doesn't fit in with my style nowadays: "Well that's it then, get rid of it and you're finally giving up - you're officially middle age now."

...About the scratchy, cheap knitted dress my mother gave me at Christmas which I really don't like but wear because I'd feel guilty otherwise and it could be, sort of, the kind of thing I like if it was made of angora and cut better: "You won't have anything left to wear if you throw that out. And she'll find out. And you'll have to put up with the drama."

...About those roll top Sweaty Betty jazz pants which cost an arm and a leg and which I never wear because I hate the fabric (a bit slimy if that makes sense): "What a waste of money! I can't believe you're going to give them away! Why did you buy them in the first place? You're so stupid!"

Thank goodness I'd worked out my ground rules and mantra in advance. Every time the nasty little monster piped up I stood my ground firmly and repeated the the same sentences over and over: "I don't like it so I'm not keeping it", "It doesn't fit properly so I'm not keeping it", "I haven't worn in for ever so I'm not keeping it", and so on and so forth. Eventually my gremlin went off in a huff and I finished the task.

It was challenging, certainly, and I can honestly say I'd rather have been in my kitchen baking a cake.

But here's the good news: every time I open my wardrobe or a drawer now I feel happy. I know that every single thing I own fits, I like it and I feel good in it. This is a completely different experience to before. I would go to get dressed in the morning with a sense of dread, knowing that most of items hanging there were not an option. I'd sift through my clothes despondently, wishing I could fit into this, hating the sight of that.

I don't have very many clothes left but every single item has its purpose and is welcome.

What a change!

So if you've got a few days off this summer and want to do something truly satisfying I can heartily recommend a wardrobe clear out. Set yourself some ground rules and create some mantras to ward off those pesky gremlins.

You could also join Nina and other Life Club workshop leaders for some of their other workshops. As luck would have it, this week's theme is "From the outside in" and is all about improving body image which is very much up the Beyond Chocolate street. They're offering all Beyond Chocolaters 20% off - just visit their online shop and use the code BEYONDCHOC1 at checkout.