Does stocking up really work?

Why is it that when we want to treat ourselves or binge or find solace in food it's always the same old friends we turn to? Chocolate, biscuits, crisps, ice cream, cheese, pastry, bread and butter, peanuts, pizza... Our lists of forbidden, naughty, fattening, unhealthy foods are endless. We see it every time we run a workshop. We believe that in large part the irresistability of these foods is fuelled by deprivation. The more we tell ourselves that we can't or shouldn't have them, that we have to cut them out of our diet, whatever the reason (whether it's because we think they are fattening or unhealthy or addictive or too expensive...) the more we want them. And even when we can go weeks or even months without them, the moment they are around again, we just can't resist and we find ourselves polishing them off in those overheating moments. So, does stocking up on them undo the years, often decades, of deprivation and all or nothing thinking about these foods? And if so, exactly how does that work? And what about the notion that it's the sugar or the carbs in these foods that keeps us hooked, not the deprivation? What about the idea that they are addictive? These are the questions I'll explore in this post (and that we've written more fully about in our new book Beyond Temptation).

Starting with the last question first; do I believe that sugar is addictive and harmful? I wish I could answer that question with a simple yes or no. I can't. I've been doing lots of research, reading, exploring and experimenting (on myself) on this subject and so far my results and conclusions are inconclusive. But here is what I can say. Let's say that in the spirit of being my own Guru I decide, after all my explorations and experiments, that I do indeed find it impossible to eat sugar in moderation, what would that mean and what would I do? I could choose to treat it as a harmful substance, a drug, and cut it out of my diet completely. Would I also choose to cut out refined flour products and fruit sugar? Mmmm... More research and experimentation necessary. And let's say I decide that all these are harmful and addictive, I could decide to stop eating them, completely. The question is not weather this is right or wrong - it may be right for some and not for others, it may be true for some and not for others. The question for me is can I make this a choice and one that I can stand by and feel comfortable with? One that I can sustain and find ways of managing when I slip up? Sucrose, fructose, carbs, they are everywhere. If I choose to cut them out of my diet, it may well help considerably, if I really believe in what I'm doing, not just dabbling in another fad because I think it might help me lose weight. It's one thing to cut these foods out because I genuinely believe they are bad for my health and well being (including perhaps my weight) and quite another to cut them out in the hope that this strategy with help me get into my bikini this summer or will be the answer to my life-long weight problem.
The key here, I believe, is to be my own Guru. To take the time and give these questions the serious consideration and exploration they deserve. Then I can make a choice based on my own experience and beliefs. Otherwise I know I'll just be jumping on the next bandwagon that comes tearing around the corner when I struggle to say not to an ice-cream this summer. I'll be convincing myself that it's not sugar I need to avoid it's fat or artificial additives or bread or whatever. Don't stop eating sugar because someone tells you it's addictive or because you read it in a book! Read 100 books if necessary, do as much research as you can but most importantly experiment, on yourself. That may well take time, months, even years, and the answer will be one you trust. Indisputable. If you find that cutting sugar or carbs or whatever out of your diet really helps, does whatever it is you want it to do, and you are willing and able to sustain it, why would you not? If you really do find that cutting out these foods puts a stop to your overeating 100%, then you will have solved the problem and that's fantastic. But what if that's not how it goes. The way I see it is this. Let's say I do discover that my desire for my forbidden foods is fuelled by their chemical composition and I decide to cut them out, will that be the solution? Problem solved once and for all? In my experience that's not always how it goes. Wanting to cut them out is one thing, being able to (sustainably) is another. And partly, for me, that's because of the emotional tie I have to these foods and what they represent, along with the fact that they are everywhere and are not universally recognised as a drug (unlike alcohol for example). The fact that eating chocolate is part of how I say "fuck this" to the world when everything gets too much, the way crunching crisps helps me manage my anger and frustration, the fact that time alone doesn't feel the same without a latte and a pastry or the cinema is just not the cinema without a bowl of popcorn are an important part of the picture. The way these foods a universally regarded are treats, fit for special occasions, that we are urged, encouraged and cajoled to 'just have one, just a little bit' means that resistance is pretty much futile. Would anyone goad an alcoholic to "just have little drink, one won't hurt surely?" Even if I know that these foods are not good for me (whatever that might mean for me) that is not always enough to stop me. My willpower, my commitment to taking care of myself, my determination to look after my body are simply not enough and in those moments I crumble and give in! However fervently I believe that cutting out any particular food group is the answer, doing it is another matter entirely. And how we do it, how we approach changing the way we eat and the foods we choose is what makes all the difference. That's where stocking up and learning to manage my overeating come in. Because I am not a machine, I am not made of iron and much as I'd love to, saying that I am cutting a food out of my diet is just never enough to make it work for the long term. Stocking up, really giving myself the message that I am allowed to eat whatever I want, is the only way to give myself back the power to CHOOSE. Only when I am allowed to say YES do I also have the freedom to say NO. No without feeling deprived and hard done by. A no that I mean and feel comfortable with. And the thing about stocking up is that it takes time. A long time in most cases. Years, not even months. I used to find chocolate, bread and butter, all my forbidden foods irresistible. Today they sit in my cupboards and I hardly notice them. And when I do, I know it has nothing to do with the foods and everything to do with my desire to overeat. To eat anything as long as I have something to shove in my mouth and stop myself from being present. Stocking up takes commitment and patience and courage. You don't have to stock up on tons of the food in your home if that's too scary, you can just remind yourself every time you want chocolate or crisps or whatever that it's your choice. You can allow the yes as well as the no. And for a while you may eat and eat and eat them more than you feel comfortable with. Often we feel that we fail at stocking up because we end up eating it all. That's how it goes. That's part of how it works We eat it all once and then again and again. Keep going and keep working on your desire to overeat at the same time and the day will come when you know that the irresistability of the biscuit tin has less to do with the biscuits than with the urge to eat. Because if we don't deal with our overeating and we just cut out the so called offenders, we are very likely to find ourselves overeating whatever we are allowed to eat or turning to other behaviors to zone out, treat ourselves, comfort, soothe etc.

 Ultimately I wonder if the thing that really keeps us stuck is the desire to find a solution. Our desperate need for an answer. If only we knew what to do, what would work, then we could do it and everything would be ok. What I am discovering is that the more I do this work the more I realise that there are no answers or definitive solutions, that managing my desire to overeat means being willing to accept the reality that there are no solutions or answers. As the years go by  I am increasingly willing to accept that I will always know far less than I don't know.  The more years I spend researching and exploring, the fewer answers I have. And that leaves me with the only thing I can work with: me. Myself. And that's what all the addictions and compulsions are about for me, keeping myself from really paying attention to and responding to myself. Because most of the time I'd rather distract myself from the discomfort of being me.

So whether we choose to stock up or cut out, the key is to do it with compassion, curiosity and gentleness knowing that nothing will be fixed or sorted, knowing that every choice, whatever it is, takes commitment and effort and willingness to pay attention to me. Day after day. One tiny step at a time. And with support.

Full fat or semi-skimmed?

I walked into Owen's, my wonderful local deli/butcher/grocery/cafe this morning and asked for my usual latte - made with full fat milk. They know me now, so I don’t have to specify the full fat bit every time. As she prepared my latte, Jane said she’d been listening to Woman’s Hour a few weeks ago and she’d thought of me because they were talking about the fact that full fat milk, cream, full fat yoghurt and even butter are positively good for you. She thought of me because it’s so unusual for anyone to ask for full fat milk these days it had stuck in her mind. On the radio, a nutritionist was saying that having semi-skimmed and skimmed milk prevents the absorption of vitamins and minerals. Surprise, surprise (well actually, no surprise at all to me) full fat products are better for us than semi-skimmed. They are much better. For us and for our children. We started talking about how common it is today to automatically go for semi-skimmed milk, as if somehow it’s better for us. I find it shocking that we have been brain washed to such an extent that we actually believe that changing the natural composition of a food can be better for us than eating it as nature intended. And many people have grown so accustomed to the taste and texture of semi-skimmed that they no longer like full fat milk, they find the creaminess unpleasant. What a sorry state of affairs when we prefer the adulterated version of a good, wholesome food. Is in any wonder that there has been an increase in childhood rickets (due to lack of vitamin D, magnesium, phosphorus and/or calcium - which depend on the fat in milk for their absorption) when even they are being routinely given semi-skimmed instead of full fat. Think back to your childhood, what kind of milk did you drink? Low fat foods didn't even exist 40 years ago and guess what, we were slimmer then than we are today, when we regularly ate puddings and butter and cream and FULL FAT milk.

Eating whole foods, the way they come from the animal or the ground makes so much more sense to me than putting them through any kind of processing to make them ‘better’. The only people who really benefit from the processing are the food producers who can charge a premium for this ‘improved’ version the food in question. At Beyond Chocolate we have been saying for over ten years that eating low fat, low sugar, low carb, low anything food is counterproductive both for weight loss and overall good health. Even the nutritionist on Woman’s Hour confirmed that you’d have to drink a lot of milk for the fat content to make a real difference to your weight. Eating the real thing (whatever it is) is far more satisfying and when we feel truly satisfied, we are far less likely to overeat, which is what really causes weight gain.

So, maybe it’s time to re-educate ourselves and our palates. Maybe it’s time to start eating real, honest, full-everything foods. If we are concerned about good health, then the things to avoid are surely the processed, artificial foods - and that includes low fat yoghurts (look at the ingredients on the back - they look more like chemical formulae to me!), low fat spreads, sweet things full of artificial sugars and stuffed with corn syrup. Bring back good old fashioned puddings with custard, bread with butter and delicious creamy yoghurts (the real thing, which you’ll find has very few ingredients: milk, yogurt cultures, maybe a bit of sugar, some honey or some fruit. That’s it.) real ice cream and home made cakes….

I am so glad that this common sense is making it’s way to Radio 4 and hopefully beyond. That really is good news.

In denial or in control?

Gretel Hallet, is a Trained Chocolate Fairy and is running the Getting Started half day workshop in Norwich - perfect for beginners to experience the core principles of Beyond Chocolate and equally great as a refresher for any Beyond Chocolater. If you live in East Anglia and want to know more about Beyond Chocolate or her workshops, get in touch with Gretel.

Something happened the other day which gave me pause. My other half said he thought I was in denial about chocolate as I had lots in stashes around the house.

After all the miserable dieting years, just when I thought I’d reached the calm tranquil waters of a life Beyond Chocolate, this bombshell fell.

So I have been thinking about what he said. Am I kidding myself? Am I still in thrall to chocolate? Does it still wield mysterious and subliminal power over me? Is the fact that I have lots of chocolate in the house proof that I still need it and that I’m not ‘over’ it yet?

Probably yes and no; but more no than yes. I am maintaining my chocolate stocks because I want to be sure that I have finally got to the point where I can take it or leave it. I want to be assured that chocolate is there if I need it or want it, but that I won’t eat it randomly, unconsciously, voraciously until I feel sick and disgusted with myself any more. I am still, I guess, ‘testing’ myself. What happens when I’m bored? Do I start working my way through my chocolate collection? What happens when I’m angry, or sad or madly happy? What happens when I’m just feeling a bit dull and lack-lustre or so tired that I can’t cook? What happens when things go wrong? What happens when someone offers me chocolate?

This curiosity about myself is something that Beyond Chocolate has taught me to value. It’s not a tool I would ever be offered on a diet programme. Knowing what I do, when and how is a far more valuable weapon in the on-going war on over-eating than any of the advice given out by any of the diet clubs. And I feel more powerful the more I know about myself and how I react to external stimuli and the more often I make a conscious choice about what I do in response to stimuli.

I suspect I will be maintaining my chocolate stocks for a while longer yet. Although I know I no longer automatically turn to chocolate to help me deal with many of life’s problems, I do still want to have the option of eating chocolate when I want to. And there’s no point in only having ‘virtuous’ high cocoa content dark chocolate in the house (which was one of my other half’s suggestions) if what I really want is milk chocolate with peanuts, or biscuity bits or caramel. So I need to keep a variety of chocolate in the house to cover as many eventualities as I can.

I don’t think I’m deluding myself here, nor do I think I’m in denial – what I think is happening is that I am very clear about what I am doing and why and that doing this is helping me. And I no longer hide chocolate around the house – the ‘stashes’ my other half referred to consist of one glass jar on the shelf above my desk and one drawer with chocolate in the kitchen.

I have explained Beyond Chocolate several times to my other half and he has always seemed to understand and has always been supportive. But it seems the messages from the diet industry and the government are running very deep indeed and that the constant drip drip drip effect of their advice reaches even into securely Beyond Chocolate households. I think I’ll sit him down with a cup of tea and some chocolate and talk about it again ...

What do you WANT to eat?

The ‘Eat whatever you want’ principle has to be the sexiest, most appealing of the Beyond Chocolate principles. The shocked and excited silence that accompanies Audrey’s demonstration of the stocking up process on a workshop is invariably followed by either horror or jubilation from Beyond Chocolaters. And it’s usually the first principle that everyone rushes out to put into action. After years of deprivation and being good, it’s understandable. The idea that we can now eat these foods freely is amazing and terrifying in equal measure. We spend so many years counting calories, telling ourselves that we can’t have this, mustn’t have that, should only eat such and such in moderation, on special occasions, if we’ve been good… Now that we can eat whatever we want, legitimately, we can’t wait to get started.

The ‘Eat whatever you want principle’ is also the most misunderstood of all the principles. It can so easily become a license to binge. In focusing on this principle we sometimes forget the others and ‘Eat whatever you want’ becomes ‘Eat all your forbidden foods as much as you like to the exclusion of all other foods for ever’.

In some ways that’s part of the process, it’s helpful maybe even necessary, for a time, to stop counting, to stop measuring, to eat freely and with enjoyment. It’s vital to ditch the guilt and the anxiety about what we can and can’t eat. And the best way to do that is to stock up, to keep having the foods we think we shouldn’t have, as much as we want them.

The aim of this is to normalise not only the foods but the process of making choices about what we want to eat. Because the eat whatever you want prnciple is about making choices.

Once we have debunked the diet myths. Once we can step away from the notion that the answer to weight loss is to cut out fattening foods (whatever they are) and stick to the slimming ones. When we have untangled web of ‘unhealthy/fattening’ foods and we just see foods as ordinary, knowing we really will allow ourselves to eat whatever we want. Once the draw towards chocolate or crisps or whatever your forbidden foods are, is no longer magnetic, because after months or maybe years of having them as much as you like you finally believe that you will always have them if you want them…(and this really does take months, years even, not just weeks, there are no short cuts with this one!) then the real work starts.

That’s when we are really free to ask ourselves “If I can eat whatever I want, what do I really WANT to eat?

It’s the want part of ‘Eat whatever you want' which is the most important, not the whatever!

A truly healthy diet, whatever that means to you, comes from being willing to ask questions and be curious about our choices:

Are there foods that I can’t seem to stop eating, even though I know I can have them whatever I want?

What is it about these foods that makes me want to keep eating them?

How does eating this food leave me feeling (physically)?

What’s the impact on my body of eating this food?

How nourishing is it?

How satisfying is it?

How sustaining is it?

How much do I really like it?

How healthy is it? How do I know it’s healthy? Who said, and how do they know?

We can’t ask those questions with an open mind until we have no more rules or preconceived beliefs and views about food. And that’s the point of eating whatever you want; to be free of the old diet baggage when it comes to making food choices.

Ultimately it’s about tuning-in and being our own gurus. It’s about being willing to take responsibility for making choices and using our own experience, intelligence and discernment to make those choices. And it’s about feeling so non-plussed about sweets or chocolate or crisps or whatever, because you know that you always have a choice to have them, that you are finally free to say NO to them as well. A real no, without any sense of deprivation.

These days when I choose what to eat I base that choice of several factors:

• Do I like it?
• Will it nourish me?
• Will it sustain me?
• Will I feel good, physically, after I’ve eaten it?

Any food I choose always ticks the first box, I stopped eating foods I don’t like a long, lone time ago. Sometimes I choose to eat foods that ONLY tick the first one. Mostly though the foods I choose tick all 4. Because after years and years of eating whatever I want, food no longer has any power over me. Chocolate is just chocolate. Cake just cake. Peanuts, crisps, mash, butter, bread... all of it is just food. Some of it I like, some of it I love the taste of. And I know I can have any of them I want. Anytime. And the more unequivocally I know that, the more balanced my choices become. In fact by staying curious and genuinely puzzled about what constitutes a diet that feels good to me, that feels healthy, I make choices based on all four of those factors more often than not. So, I do eat chocolate and cake, bread and butter, crisps, peanuts and the rest... but far, far less than I used to and far, far less than I thought I'd want to. Not only because I don’t often feel like eating them but because after years of letting myself have them, and when I ask myself all the questions above, I realise that, 95% of the time, they are not want I really want. And that feels like true freedom to me.

Pudding V Fruit

My four year old started full time nursery school this year and has therefore started eating lunch there too. The other day, I overheard another mum discussing her child's lunch with the teacher. She was asking lots of questions: What did she eat? How much? Did she look like she liked it? Did she asked for seconds? Listening to their conversation (I know, I shouldn't be eavesdropping, I know) I realised that I no idea how it was going for Oscar. I suppose I haven't thought of worrying about it because his answer to my daily "How was lunch today?" question is invariably an enthusiastic "Good!" and if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me! But I decided to go ahead and quiz the teacher at the next drop off, just to make sure...

She reassured me that Oscar was "an excellent eater", that he always ate everything, with obvious enjoyment and that he was particularly fond of chicken, so no surprises there. And then she said:

"And we are all very impressed with Oscar because he often chooses to have the fruit salad instead of the pudding. He's the only one, all the other children ALWAYS have the pudding!"

I'm not surprised that Oscar favours the fruit over the puddings, he's been a fruit lover since the day he started eating solids. More importantly, he's been surrounded by puddings, cakes and baked goodies since he was born. I was baking a carrot cake when my waters broke and I've been baking, pretty much daily, ever since. I baked with Oscar in a sling, then I baked with Oscar crawling at my feet and now I bake with Oscar by my side, he's my trusty assistant and number one bowl licker. To him, cakes and biscuits and puddings are like any other food. It's there, it's available and if he fancies it, he can help himself to it. There is always something in the biscuit tin or the cake box and if there isn't, and we want it, we make it. Oscar has developed very specific tastes for baked goods. He doesn't really like chocolate anything. He loves anything with fruit, especially lemon. He loves shortbread and muffins and chewy, very sweet things like flapjacks. If he doesn't like a cake or a pudding, he just won't have it. Simple.

As I walked home I pondered on the conversation I'd had with the teacher. I thought about the hundreds of women I have worked with over the years at Beyond Chocolate who see puddings as a friend and the enemy, who can't resist them, who wouldn't ever, in a million years, choose a piece of fruit over a slice of cake. When we introduce the idea of stocking up and legalising our forbidden foods on workshops there are often gasps of horror. The idea of going out and buying large amounts of these foods to take home is frightening. The objections are always the same: I'll never stop eating them, I'll eat myself into the grave, I'll live on cakes/sweets/biscuits/crisps/mash/fill in the blank for the rest of my life etc...

And yet Oscar is the living proof that abundance and choice is the key to stopping overeating. When we let ourselves have anything, when we legalise all foods, when pudding is just another option we can choose not to have it. Not because we want to be 'good' but because we genuinely fancy some fruit instead.


So, pudding lovers, are you ready to stock up?

Goodbye old friend

Something sad happened the other day. If you read this blog regularly you will know that we have been busy writing the final draft of our new book: Beyond Temptation, which is all about overeating. So overeating has been very much at the forefront of everything in these past months. Anyway, last week, my partner J was out one evening and, as usual when this happens, I organised a little dairy fest. J is allergic to dairy so we have very little of it on the menu but I love it so when he’s out I take advantage and make up for it. Depending on my mood I’ll go for cauliflower cheese, VERY buttery mash, cheese on toast , creamy deserts - that kind of thing. Yesterday, I found a particularly scrumptious looking piece of Lancashire cheese which I intended to enjoy with some olives, salami and soft, chewy bread and butter, followed by my favourite creamy rhubarb yoghurt. I’d done my shopping and the goodies were in the fridge waiting when I realised we’d run out of milk so I dashed back out to grab a pint. 

As I was making my way to the shop I thought about how times had changed. In the past, an evening on my own at home would have been the perfect excuse for a binge. I thought of all the things I would have bought in preparation: cheese, salami and bread and butter would probably have made an appearance...along with chocolate and crisps, nuts, something cakey and certainly some sweets too. Any type of Haribo or maybe liquorice torpedoes. As I pictured the bags of sweets in my mind, I was hit by some sort of weird nostalgia. I haven’t scoffed my way through an entire packet of Haribo for some time now and a part of me missed that. A part of me longed to have that numbing, repetitive, sugary experience again. As I waited for a red light to change I decided that tonight I was going to eat me some sweets, a whole bag of sweets. Like the old times.

So as I rushed in to the supermarket to grab the milk I made a quick detour to the confectionary aisle. By now, I was quite excited at the thought of a date with a bag of Haribo. I stood there scrutinising the dozens of different types on offer for quite a while. I looked at the Cola Bottles and at the Gummy Bears. I considered the Tangfantastics and the Strawbs and even the Milk Bottles. None of them really appealed. Sure, I would gladly have a few but the idea of a eating a whole bag of Cola or Milk Bottles made me feel quite nauseous. So I changed tack and studies the mixed bags instead, maybe variation was the key here. I surveyed the Star Mix and the Super Mix and the Liquorice Favourites but they didn’t feel quite right either. As I stood and dithered, it suddenly hit me that the reason I couldn’t make my mind up was that I actually didn’t want them. Standing in Sainsbury’s at 6pm on a Monday night in front of the sweets I had a revelation: after years and years battling with Haribo, the war was over. I JUST DIDN’T WANT THEM.

I paid for my pint of milk and walked home, feeling a bit sad. It feels like I’ve lost an old friend. And in a way I have. Today, I know how to reward myself for surviving a tough day without diving into a bag of Cola Bottles, I know how to treat myself without turning to the Strawbs, I know how to enjoy and evening at home without the company of Gummy Bears. And yet, knowing that my friend Haribo was always there if all else failed was comforting, reassuring. Haribo has always been my plan B, my back up. 

But hey ho, if the time has come to bid a fond farewell to my old friend Haribo then so be it. 

So goodbye Haribo. And thank you. Thank you for the years of comfort and childish delight. I’ll miss you.

Courgette bolognese anyone?

I haven't ranted on this blog for a while so indulge me while I have a go at my latest bugbear - the so called "Healthy Food Swap".

It's everywhere. In leaflets my son brings home from school, in magazines, on web sites...at the supermarket. Everywhere I look I am being urged to swap crisps for carrots and biscuits for apples. Although I understand the underlying principle and agree that it's better for our health - and to some extent weight - to eat more fresh foods and less of the processed stuff, this type of message makes me want to scream and tear my hair out and rant. So it's a good thing I have this blog to vent my frustration!

Do they really think that people are so ignorant? Do they really imagine that someone about to dive headlong into the biscuit tin is suddenly going to decide to opt for carrot sticks instead? That all they needed was a reminder because they'd forgotten all about the existence of carrot sticks? Isn't that just missing the point?  Frankly if I've had a crap day and want to drown my sorrows in a bag of chocolate buttons, a fistful of dried apricots just ain't gonna cut it, Mr. Government-Healthy-Eating-Campaign-man - no matter how many times you shove your healthy tips in my face! 

As usual, this type of diet advice completely ignores the fact that 99% of us know very well that a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice is better for us than a bucketful of Caramel Frappuccino with whipped cream, mini mallows and chocolate shavings...or is it? What if a Caramel Frappuccino with all the trimmings hits the spot? What if it's exactly what I fancy, right now, right here. What if it's part of a healthy, balanced diet which includes lots of apples, oranges and carrots (just not in this precise instant). What if I really fancy something creamy and smooth? How is an acidic, lumpy glass of orange juice going to help? Maybe I'll just have to eat a double choc chip muffin to take the edge of it - a muffin I wouldn't have had if I'd stuck to the Frappuccino. Back to square one....

Worse, and even more ludicrous are these "Healthy Swap Tips" I saw in a magazine recently:

"Replace spaghetti with thinly cut ribbons of courgette and serve with Bolognese sauce."

"Swap bread soldiers with your boiled egg for celery sticks."

I mean, come on! Spaghetti and bolognese...soft boiled eggs and toast - these are foods made for each other, they have been married for ever. They are classics, eaten by generation after generation, in the four corners of the world. Seriously, WHO is going to swap spaghetti for courgette ribbons??!  Spag bol is spag bol, if I want courgettes, there are a million ways  to eat them that don't involve smothering them in a sauce intended for pasta. Same with celery. Quite apart from the fact that the idea of celery dripping in egg yolk makes my stomach churn, surely there's better things to do with celery than dunking it in a boiled egg? 

So please Ms. Resident Nutritionist at the magazine I won't name because some of the recipes are fab - choose some other foods to pick on and spare us your weird and improbable swaps.

Rant over. Thank you for listening.

Be Your Own Guru

Gretel Hallet, is a Trained Chocolate Fairy and is running the Getting Started half day workshop in Norwich - perfect for beginners to experience the core principles of Beyond Chocolate and equally great as a refresher for any Beyond Chocolater. If you live in East Anglia and want to know more about Beyond Chocolate or her workshops, get in touch with Gretel.

Expert: Wouldn't it be great if you could eat all your favourite foods and still lose weight?

Me: Yes! Yes, it would!

Expert: Well now you can, with our guide to 'having your cake and eating it'!

Me: Actually, if you’ll forgive me a pedantic moment – anyone can have cake and eat it, that’s easy. Eating cake and having it too is much more difficult ... but yes, I’d like to eat cake and lose weight, please tell me how.

Expert: If you thought the best way to lose weight was to cut out eating chocolate, crisps and chips think again.

Me: Ok, keep talking, I’m interested.

Expert: Research shows that banning foods from your diet can be disastrous as it simply makes them even more irresistible than ever.

Me: Really? You surprise me (not). I think all dieters are very well aware of the deprivation-causes-bingeing scenario. But, go on ...

Expert: Not only that but when you do give in to a nibble of your favourite nosh you're far more likely to feel you've failed which can result in eating even more of it than you'd planned to.

Me: Oh, absolutely. Particularly last thing at night, or when out with friends, or during a ‘weekend off’, or because I just can't stop myself, or because it's there or needs finishing up, or when someone offers it to me and I don't want to offend them ...

Expert: This is why eating your favourite foods is not only desirable for long term weight loss, it's absolutely essential provided of course, you don't overdo the calories.

Me: I knew there’d be a catch ... You see, Mr or Ms Expert, I don't want to count calories. I don't want to substitute lower fat alternatives for my favourite foods, as you suggest in the rest of your article. I want to eat my cake and still have cake and I want to lose weight. I don't want much, really.

Expert: Ok, how about this? Many people think white bread is a 'no no' but in the UK it is fortified with calcium so it can help towards maintaining healthy bones and teeth. Just make sure you get your fibre and whole grains elsewhere such as in breakfast cereals, rice and oats.

Me: That sounds good, I like white bread and I'm quite happy to eat breakfast cereal, rice and oats (although not all at once!). The problem is Mr or Ms Expert, you can only offer dodges around the idea of 'Eat What You Want', you are too scared to come right out and say it. You are still hung up on the idea of calories in and calories out. I want to get away from all that.

Diet Experts abound on the internet and the messages are all the same - DIET! One way or the other, regardless of what they appear to be saying, their bottom line is always GO ON A DIET - NOW!

Beyond Chocolate encourages us to become Our Own Guru. To leave the experts where they are - to take their words with a pinch of salt, or not at all, and to realise that the only true expert on each of us is ourselves.

Whole milk...

Yesterday I went into a Cafe Nero for a coffee. I asked for a latte and then had this exchange with the barista:

Me: “Would you make it with full fat milk please”

Barista: “No fat? Yes of course”

Me: “No, FULL fat please”

Barista: “Oh! Full fat? We don’t have full fat, I’m sorry. You know, (with a smile) I think you are the first person who has asked me for that in two years!”

I have conversations like this one almost every time I go for a coffee. Except at my local deli, where they understand the value of drinking whole milk, just as it comes from the cow! (Well, that’s unless you count the fact that it’s been pasteurised, which I wish it hadn’t). At least it’s organic, full fat and non-homogenised. And they offer all the options: full, semi and skimmed.

What is wrong with FULL FAT MILK?

Is it fattening?
Is it unhealthy?

We’ll actually NO, it isn’t. In fact, not only is not fattening - as we know fat is not fattening, unless we eat more of it than our body needs, in which case everything is fattening... carbs, protein, and indeed fat. Eaten when we are hungry (for milk is a food, not just a drink) full fat milk is (and FAT in general) is GOOD FOR US.

The propaganda against full fat milk has been so complete and pervasive over the past decade that it’s almost impossible to find a coffee made with it these days. The power of choice has been taken away. Starbucks use it and so do Costa, but Cafe Nero, Pret a Manger and many of the smaller coffee places just don’t even have it available. In fact Pret a Manger have told me they don't offer it because they have a duty to be responsible when it comes to health, so they decide for us!

And even the cafes who do have it often hear my request for full fat as a 'no' or low fat! They are so used to people asking for low fat they assume that's what I want. The Nero barista was not the first to comment on how unusual it is for someone to ask for full fat. "Especially a woman", they sometimes add!!

This is a sad an sorry state of affairs. The misleading and frankly erroneous message about whole milk and the evils of fat have been drummed into us so completely that most people now no longer like full fat milk! Women I speak to say they don’t like the taste, it’s too creamy and rich. We have been weaned off that which is natural and whole and healthful. Today the milk we drink may look like milk (except for skimmed which looks like the water I used to wash my gluey paintbrush in at school!) but we may as well drink water for all the nourishment we get from it. I mean, why drink milk at all? If we want to benefit from the goodness it has to offer, if we want nourishment from our food as well as tastiness (is that a word??) then it’s worth considering the following:

1. Our bodies cannot digest the protein or absorb the calcium from milk without the fat.

2. Vitamins A and D are also fat-soluble. So you can’t absorb them from milk when all the fat has been skimmed off (this makes fortified skimmed milk the biggest sham of all — you can pump fat-free milk full of a year’s supply of vitamins A and D, but the body can’t make use of them).

3. Milk fat contains glycosphingolipids - types of fats linked to immune system health and cell metabolism.

4. Contrary to popular belief, low-fat and fat-free diets do not help prevent heart disease. New studies have revealed that the link between saturated fat and heart disease is tenuous, at best. In fact, studies now show that eating saturated fat raises good cholesterol — the kind of cholesterol you want and need in your body.

6. Foods that have not been processed are better for us than processed foods. Milk with the fat taken out is processed. The nutrients in whole, un-processed foods have a natural synergy with one another — that is, they work best and are most beneficial to the body when they are eaten together, whole, as they come.

7. Homogenized whole milk isn’t whole. When you buy homogenized milk, you’re buying a whole food that isn’t whole — it’s had it’s fat removed, evened out, and injected back into it in an amount less than when it comes from the cow! They don’t put all the fat back in - they leave about 1% of it out so that they can standardise fat levels and taste…

And again… just to make a point FAT is not fattening. OVEREATING is fattening. Eating foods our bodies does not need is fattening. FAT is healthy and tastes good. FAT helps us feels sated and less likely to overeat.

I’m on a mission (you may have gathered!) to bring back whole, full-fat milk in cafes across the land! I keep asking for it everywhere I go.

Want to join me?

Calories in… Calories out…

Audrey and I have known for a long time that the ridiculously simplistic notion of ‘calories in, calories out’ wasn’t just wrong and misinformed but was in fact counterproductive and ultimately contributes to weight gain rather than helping us lose weight. And for years we’ve tried to understand how calories work and why we we have such poor, misleading and essentially false information about food and the energy it produces in our bodies. Several people have tried to explain it to us (when we’ve asked… it’s not exactly the most exciting Saturday night conversation topic!) but we’ve never quite got it.

Until this weekend.

I’ve been reading an interesting book called Trick and Treat by
Barry Groves. For the first time I understand the science (and therefore the falsity!) of the calories in, calories out theory.

So, in my words (and some of his) here’s the nub of it. Please bear in mind that I’m no scientist (which incidentally doesn't make me any less 'qualified' to be an expert about my relationship with food and my body).

This is my understanding of his explanation, of the way it works and it may not be 100% correct… or the way I have explained it may not be completely clear and concise (I’m not one for being concise!). Anyway, here’s what I’ve understood, which I think is a good starting point . If you’re interested, his book is well worth a read.

What is a calorie?

A calorie is a unit of heat.

How are calories measured in food ?

By burning the food in a device called a ‘bomb calorimeter’ and measuring the amount of heat it gives off.

A BOMB CALORIMETER

For example

1 gram of carbohydrate burned in a bomb calorimeter gives an energy value of 4.2 calories

(Groves says it’s actually kilocalories but for the purposes of this post I won’t go there).

1 gram of protein gives 5.25 calories - but you have to take 1 calorie away because protein doesn’t oxidise properly (not sure I quite get that bit but let’s go with it!)

1 gram of fat gives 9.2 calories

Round these up to the nearest whole number and you get:

Carbs 4 cals
Protein 4 cals
Fat 9 cals

These are the figures that are used in calorie charts to work out how many calories there are in various foods .

There are two flaws in this system.

Flaw number 1

Our bodies do NOT burn food in the same way as they are burned in a ‘bomb calorimeter’. (No? Really!)

Our digestive process, unlike the bomb, is pretty inefficient. In our bodies, the chemical process which oxidises sugar to provide energy produces carbon dioxide. About half is exhaled when we breathe, the other half is excreted in our sweat, urine and faeces as energy containing molecules - so the energy value which we lose this way needs to be taken away from the original food intake…

With me so far?

Surinder Phul (www.eatwell.co.uk) a very wise nutritional therapist who we spoke to about calories and other things when we were writing Beyond Chocolate, wasn’t wrong when we asked her…

“We know the calories in calories out theory doesn't work… but we don’t understand why, can you explain?”…

She took a deep breath and said…

“We’ll, it’s that… the way it works is...it’s… complex…”

And that was about it!

It’s complicated and complex but not impossible to get your my around.

So here goes.

Flaw number 2…

The body does not use all the food we eat to provide energy.

That strikes me as important - the body DOESN’T use all the food we eat to provide energy.

For example, the main function of protein in our diet is to build and repair cells, not to provide energy. So, (and I’m cutting the explanation down a bit here) meat contains about 23 grams of protein per 100g, a person who weighs say, 70 kilos, needs to eat about 300g of meat (or equivalent other protein) just to supply her basic protein needs (presumably to keep her cells in good order of repair?). If she ate that as lean chicken that would be about 465 calories. These calories are NOT used to supply energy, so they would have to be deducted from her total calorie intake…

Much of the fat we eat is also used to provide materials used by the body in processes other than the production of energy. I’m fascinated by this science! Fat is used in the manufacture of:

Bile acids (any of various steroid acids, produced in the liver and stored with bile, that emulsify fats during digestion).

Prostaglandins (any of a class of unsaturated fatty acids that are involved in the contraction of smooth muscle, the control of inflammation and body temperature, and many other physiological functions.

Prostacyclins (a type of prostaglandin that is a metabolite of arachidonic acid, inhibits aggregation of platelets, and dilates blood vessels).

Leukotrienes (produced by white blood cells in an immune response to antigens, that contributes to inflammatory reactions.

Thromboxanes (cause constriction of vascular and bronchial smooth muscle, and promote blood clotting)

Hormones (any of various internally secreted compounds, such as insulin or thyroxine, formed in endocrine glands, that affect the functions of specifically receptive organs or tissues when transported to them by body fluids.)

And there is more, but I’m starting to get the picture…

The way our bodies use food is indeed complex and to me, quite fascinating.

All the calories that are used for the processes above also contribute nothing to energy production and so must be deducted from our total calorie intake when we talk about calories in calories out.

Trying to work out how much energy the food we eat actually produces and how much of it will be stored as fat, without the above information, gives a very inaccurate answer and so it’s a waste of time… incredible given that it’s the foundation of almost every diet and healthy eating plan known to woman!

And there’s another thing…

We are told by ‘experts’ that a calorie is a calorie. That all calories were created equal. What they mean by that is that two diets made up of exactly the same number of calories but totally different foods, will lead to the same amount of weight gain or loss. Over the past century many diet studies how found that this just is not true!

Some studies have shown that high fat diets are much better at reducing weight than low fat diets (I’m not advocating ANY kind of diet here, just reporting the data as I’ve read it).

And these ‘experts’ criticise the findings saying that they can’t be true because that would violate the laws of thermodynamics… apparently.. Funnily enough, I think the experts might just be the ones who are wrong… again.

This narrow view of calories in calories out may well comply with the first Law of Thermodynamics but not the Second Law.

So, here’s a hopefully brief expo on laws of thermodynamics!

1st Law is a conversion law.
2nd Law is a dissipation law.

It’s the second law which governs the use of energy in chemical reactions within our bodies.

Here’s the analogy that Barry Groves uses in his book:

The energy in the petrol that you put in your car, makes the car move but it also produces heat through friction and noise, which is wasted energy.

The 2nd Law is all about efficiency. How much of the energy that we put in does useful work and how much is wasted?

Although all the energy in the petrol is accounted for and complies with the 1st law (in other words it is all converted to energy), the moving car itself, if the waste products (heat & noise) are removed from the equation, does not comply with the 1st law.

The second law was developed in that context - in other words it was developed to account for the inefficiency of machines (like our bodies!). The 2nd Law says that no machine is completely efficient.

Inevitably some of the available energy from the food we eat is is lost as heat or in the internal rearrangement of chemical compounds and other changes. And as different foods use different metabolic pathways, with different levels of efficiency, there will of course be variations in the level of efficiency in different foods. Therefore the idea that ‘a calorie is a calorie’ violates the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics as a matter of principle.

Our bodies do not use all calories in the same way.

Surinder did say it was complex.

So, where does that leave me?

Well I finally understand that:

Not all calories are burned by our bodies to create energy.
That some of the energy that is produced cannot be used up by things like exercise - it's wasted in various ways.
That our bodies use different foods (and their calories) in different ways and for different functions.
That eating fat doesn't make you fat.
That eating fewer calories doesn't automatically (and for the long term) make you thin.

It leaves me convinced that counting calories is an unhelpful and misleading and that diets based on calorie counting have positively contributed to weight gain for hundreds of thousands of women. By treating all calories as equal, by trying to limit calorie intake without understanding how they work, by not tuning-in and eating according to out hunger and satiety, we have been sold false truths. False truths which have a VERY high price. Overeating, poor food choices and obesity. We have been treating 300 calories of, let's say pasta as exactly the same as 300 calories of butter and yet they are used in completely different ways by our bodies. One produces energy one does not.

I have a fantasy that the powers that be have coined this ‘calories in calories out’ phrase because they think it’s a simple, scientific sounding way of saying to people ‘eat less, move more’. Ever heard that one? Both are simplistic, misleading, patronising and ultimately useless. We are not stupid. I wish I’d been taught more about how my body works in science lessons at school and less about how plants photosynthesise. I am fed up of being patronised. Of course overeating leads to weight gain. And trying to stop us overeating by having us count how many calories we consume is clearly not the way! If it were we'd all be slender, fit and healthy by now. Not more overweight than we have ever been (as a nation).

Information is power. When I understand what goes on in my body, it helps me make choices that feel right and that make a real difference.

It’s time we stopped talking calories!

For quite a while after I stopped dieting I would still find my eyes straying to the calorie count on the back of packets. I found one way to stop that, I reduced the amount of packet food I bought :-)

And I created a mantra for myself… calories shmalories… I’d say it to myself every time…

Until I stopped thinking that way and started seeing food as food. Food I like or don’t like, food that I feel like eating or don’t feel like eating, food that I think of as healthy and nourishing and food that I think of as tasty but empty of nourishment, food that leaves me hungry again very soon after I've eaten and food that satisfies me for a while, food I crave and food I want and enjoy (and the wisdom to know the difference…)

The more I understand the more I am inspired to find out more about how my body works and what it needs, by tuning in, by listening, by reading more inspiring books.

Are you a calorie counter? Or have you been in the past?

What do you think of all this?

I’d love to know!

Glimpses of normality: a shopping list

In these weeks following my father's death 'normal' life has been suspended: my family, work, friends and social commitments have all been put on standby as I come to terms with the fact that he's gone and help my mother start to pick up the pieces of her life. A life shattered by the loss of her soul-mate of 50 years and by a battle against cancer which consumed the last two and a half. 

Last week, when we were still reeling from shock, my mother, sister and I improvised each day as best as we could. Meals were a mish mash of things we filled the fridge with as a result of aimless and hurried shopping at the local super. As my sister and I spent the best part of the day sifting through papers and talking to bank managers, pension fund employees and accountants, my mother grieved. Her household, usually run with military precision hobbled along in fits and starts. We stayed in our pjs until afternoon, beds were left unmade. We sat down to unsatisfying, tasteless meals whenever we remembered we were hungry and moaned to each other about the lack of 'anything nice' available. We managed a few OK meals but on the whole scored pretty poorly in the 'eat what you want' and 'enjoy' departments.

This week as we geared up for another few days of administrative juggling, my mother's strength and determination surfaced again.

"Right," she announced "we need to make a plan so we don't end up eating crap like last week.". She marshaled me into the kitchen, whipped out her notepad and pen and started firing questions and jotting things down. In under 10 minutes, we had worked out what meals we would be at home for, what we fancied eating, what she had in her Mary Poppins-like freezer and what 'extras' we needed to fill in the gaps. We had a rough sketch of the next 4 days' meals and a shopping list. We chose quick, family favourites like chicken with peas and rice, basil minestrone and thawed some of my Mum's delicious aubergines in tomato sauce to have with pasta. We filled the fridge with ricotta, pecorino and cured meats for lunches and lots of juicy tomatoes, crunchy fennel and spicy radishes to have with salad. I made sure, this time, that I got all the ingredients I needed for the rum baba. 

As I busied myself at the computer and on the phone, my mother got in the car and drove to the nicer supermarket down the road to stock up. I'm not going to say that the next four days were a blissful succession of gourmet meals but eating food that tasted nice and that I fancied did make life a little easier.

Although it seems impossible to imagine a time when my father's absence might feel 'normal', I am - two weeks on - starting to see glimpses of 'normality'. They remind me that we are resilient and resourceful beings. That life does go on.