On Being A Chocolate Fairy

After my week away from work and home and away from everyone who knows that I am a Chocolate Fairy, I was struck with the thought, 'Am I working too hard on Being A Chocolate Fairy At All Times?' It's possible.

At work I'm surrounded by Women On Diets. We even let a room in our building to a major diet company three times a week and so I encounter dieting women wandering our corridors looking for the room, or I see them climbing the stairs to the room, or even waiting outside to be let in. If I go out to a local cafe for lunch there is invariably a table full of women squealing at the impossibility of eating what they really want and opting for something they 'know they should have' instead. Even the Press is against me … almost every day there is an article about some celeb diet that's GUARANTEED to work EVEN FOR YOU! Or a photo of some hapless celeb on holiday in a bikini whose body is instantly judged by the paper as being 'hot' or 'not'.

There seems no escape.

No-one has ever said it to me and yet I feel I Must Uphold The Chocolate Fairy Principles At All Times, even if no-one knows that's what I'm actually doing. And so I deliberately eat things at work that aren't 'allowed' on any diet (regardless of what they may claim), and I ostentatiously leave some of my food every now and then, just to show the invisible audience that I'm in control of my eating, not the other way round. I make sure the ladies-that-diet at work know I attend Zumba classes and yoga classes and that I exercise at home with my dvds. I cycle everywhere I go around town.

Does all this sound ridiculous to you?

Because it actually is, in essence, how I do want to live. I want to be able to eat whatever I like, when I choose. I want to be able to leave food because I've reached satisfaction. I want to move my body in ways that I enjoy as often as I'm able to. I LOVE being a Chocolate Fairy. I love the freedom that Beyond Chocolate has helped me to find. I want to free all women from the torment of pointless dieting.

And before you all pen furious emails to Sophie and Audrey, this is nothing that they have done. They haven’t imposed any of these expectations on any Chocolate Fairy. Of course, they do expect that we will work with the principles in our own lives and that we will work at spreading the word to as many other women as we can reach. In fact, Sophie and Audrey are better at accepting me as I am now than I have ever been. All of the above concern is actually the work of my very subtle and hard-working Gremlin.

I am good at spotting my Gremlin in some of its interjections, but this is quite a big one that my Gremlin must have been working on quite successfully for quite some time. To make me worried that I’m over-doing being a Chocolate Fairy is a remarkable achievement and I’m just glad I spotted it before too much damage was done!

So I will continue to work with the Beyond Chocolate principles in my life and, as I get better at spotting its work, I will continue to thwart my Gremlin wherever it pops up.

Meet a Beyond Chocolate Fairy: Sarah

Sarah Layton took part in our very first Chocolate Fairy Training and has been running Beyond Chocolate workshops in London for 3 years. In true Beyond Chocolate style, Sarah runs the workshops from her own home in North London and cooks all the food herself. 


I met Sarah the other day for a walk on the heath and a chat about her workshops. Here are some snippets of our conversation...


Me: Do you enjoy running workshops from home and making the food yourself?
Sarah: I love running workshops at home.  I have a really lovely kitchen/sitting space that opens into the garden and that creates a warm, friendly and relaxing atmosphere for participants.  I can have a maximum of 8 women which means we get to know each other and helps everyone feel comfortable enough to talk about stuff they wouldn't usually talk about with other people. I make a simple, delicious home-made meal and cakes which always get top marks in participant feedback forms.  I have great fun the day before getting it all ready so it's all part of the joy for me!  


Me: What's it like running Beyond Chocolate workshops and what have you leaned over the years?  
Sarah: I love it!  I get such a buzz from being with a group of women and talking to them about this life-changing way of approaching weight-loss and body confidence.  One of the things I've learned over the years is that there are so many women in pain over this and the size of their body is absolutely no indication of what's going on for them.  I also love that, for many women, this is the first time they speak about what they experience and struggle with to others who are not going to judge them or talk diets with them.  It is a very moving experience - for both the participants and me!  I get loads from it for myself too - there is always a moment when I realise I am talking about something that I have not been practicing myself lately - it's an ongoing journey!


Me: What's your top tip for someone thinking of taking the plunge with Beyond Chocolate ?  Sarah: Go for it!   You really have got nothing to lose and loads to gain!   It can seem quite challenging as it's such a different approach and, seemingly, counter-intutitive and certainly counter-cultural.  One small step at a time is the way to go and remember to appreciate yourself for each tiny step you take -  It's so easy to notice what we 'don't do' rather than what we do!  Rather a lot of top tips!!


If you have any questions you want to ask Sarah about her workshops (or indeed want to rave about one you've been on!) or training as a Fairy, go ahead and post a comment below. 


Sarah's next workshops
The 10 Principles - 1 day workshop - Sat 14th May (limited to 8 participants))
Getting Started - 1/2 day workshop - Sat 11th June (limited to 16 participants)

Journey to a life Beyond Chocolate

Sarah Layton is a psychotherapist and has been a Chocolate Fairy since 2007. She runs very popular workshops and groups in London. Her next workshop is on 22 January. Meet Sarah.  

FROM: Stressed, over-working, insecure Garden Designer
TO:  Happier, sometimes still stressed but much better at knowing what I want and need Psychotherapist/Chocolate Fairy!

What a journey!

I first experienced a Beyond Chocolate weekend in February 2005 after impatiently waiting nine months for a date I could attend. It was a worthwhile wait as when I finally got there I was bowled over; my days of waking up daily thinking about what I should and shouldn’t eat; hating my body; dieting for half a day and then giving up; binging and depriving myself without knowing it, were on their way out.

I had discovered another way and I wanted it for myself but had no idea how to ‘do’ it. I had no sense then of what I now know - that discovering the ‘how’ is actually the journey itself - the journey is the answer not the destination and there is actually no simple way to ‘do’ it.

It has been quite journey as my mother, who had been gravely ill, actually passed away on Sunday night that same weekend and I went into a grieving, confused haze. For a while I didn’t care about changing let alone know how to do it I had had a difficult relationship with my Mum - she had put me on my first diet and our relationship had been conducted through the medium of my weight and her ‘helping’ me to diet and now she was dead.

It was a sad, angry time for me and I remember thinking that I couldn’t ‘do’ Beyond Chocolate when I was experiencing such strong feelings. I spoke to Sophie about it and her wise suggestion was to keep tuning in and doing what I could even if I felt like I wasn’t ‘doing’ much.

So that’s what I did and, looking back now, I see that that moment in 2005, when I discovered Beyond Chocolate the same weekend as I lost my mother was truly a trigger. I realised how short life could be (my mother was just 61 when she died) and that I wasn’t willing to waste any more of my precious life hating myself, being miserable and stressed and horrid to my family.

I began to experiment more fully with the principles and working with ‘Eat Whatever you Want’, and the idea of legalising forbidden foods, introduced M & S Chocolate Cheesecake into my life; I bought six packs of two slices at a time, kept them piled one on top of another in the fridge and bought more when the supply began to dwindle. I tuned in, sat down and noticed as I ate and soon discovered that when I allowed myself to eat what I was hungry for attentively, and legalised my previously forbidden foods, I no longer binged.

I had been using the gym three times a week whether or not I wanted to and now I tuned in to find out how I did want to move. I realised I didn’t like the gym, we got a dog and I began to walk outside daily, in the fresh air with the trees and sunshine. It was so satisfying for me and Twiglet loves it!

Tuning in helped me to take notice of myself, both physically and emotionally and what I began to notice, over and over, was that I was unhappy. I was tired, stressed by the pressure of my work and out of touch with myself. I began to support myself; attending whatever Beyond Chocolate events there were, doing weekly therapy with Sophie and, a little later training as a Fairy and beginning my training as a psychotherapist.

Over the next couple of years I changed my life dramatically using tuning in, my feelings and my physical sensations as my guide. I reduced my garden design workload by accepting only the clients I really liked; people who valued my contribution and were willing to pay me properly for it. That made a huge difference and my lessened workload left space for me to enjoy life in a new, exciting way.

Now I generally live my life at a slower pace and I love what I am doing. As a psychotherapist (www.northlondontherapist.co.uk) and Beyond Chocolate Fairy I see clients one to one and run workshops and am privileged to work with other women who are consciously making the most of their lives.

And what about my relationship with food and my body these days? Well, I generally eat when I am hungry, except when I haven’t made sure that there is home-made, delicious, nourishing food easily available, or when I’m tired and don’t take myself to bed. On these occasions I sometimes still reach for quick, easy things and I notice that they don’t satisfy or comfort me the way they used to. When I give myself time to pause I remember this, am able to notice my feelings, mostly let myself feel them and choose to gently move away from food towards whatever is truly nourishing.

My weight is stable and I am fit and comfortable in my body. I wear the same clothes size from year to year, dress in a way that pleases me and speak kindly to myself most of the time. I’d love to lose some weight and know that some day I will allow myself to; it was such a currency between my mother and me that I haven’t yet, and I know I will. I am just so thankful that it isn’t the be-all or end-all of my life any more!