Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Happy New Year
Looking back over the years I cannot remember a time when I actually stuck to any of the new year’s resolutions I set myself. Predictably, I would vow to lose weight and go to the gym (or join a class, start jogging, get a personal trainer...) to get fit. Those two were invariably at the top of my list. Number three would often be something to do with my work/life balance, promising myself that I would rest more, take better care of myself, meditate or have more candle lit baths, spend more one on one time with Jasper and Evie. The implication underlying all my new year’s resolutions was that I was not OK as I was. I had to improve myself. I had to lose weight, get fitter and work out how to be the best possible working mum I could be. Those things achieved, I imagine I thought my life wold be so much better. So much more… what?
I’ve had it with new year’s resolutions. I’ve had it for a while now, I confess. I don’t think I set any last year and I won’t be setting any this year either. I’ve had enough of focusing on what I want to change in my life, on promising to do things differently. I’m fed up with ending up on January 1st right back where I was the previous year, only a little bit worse, faced with my lack of willpower and failure to achieve even one of my objectives. I’ve decided let myself be. I don’t want to do anything to prove to myself or anyone else that I’m OK, that I’m not complacent about myself and my achievements, that I know how imperfect I am. I am fully conscious of all those things and, nevertheless, I am choosing not to put myself under any more pressure. In 2012 I will be how I will be. The good, the bad and the ugly. No new year’s resolutions.
Wishes, hopes and dreams… of those I have a few:
I wish for good health (my own and my family’s).
I have a wish that my children will continue to flourish and thrive and that I keep working at my (now 25 year) relationship with Ben so that it can get better and better, even when it’s tough.
I have a wish that our new book; Beyond Temptation (which comes out on September 6th 2012) will be successful - by which I mean I hope that I can read it with pride and satisfaction - and that anyone who reads it will enjoy it and get something out of it.
I have a dream of Chocolate Fairies all over the UK and across the world (why not!) offering women an alternative to the relentlessness of dieting and body hatred.
I have a wish that Audrey, Clare and I continue to have as much fun and laughter and passion in our running of Beyond Chocolate as we have had to date.
"What's the difference between a hope, wish or dream and a resolution?" you may be thinking. The difference is, I won’t work at them or hold myself to any of the above. I won't try to make them happen or beat myself up if they don't. And not one of them mentions weight loss, healthy eating or exercise. This time next year I won't be looking back to see how I've measured up and that feels so much kinder and more generous than committing, promising, vowing to make changes and be a better person, year after year.
So, I have made one new year’s resolution after all: no more new year’s resolutions. Come to think of it, I made that one last year. And, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I kept it! I think it’s the only new year’s resolution I have ever kept for an entire year.
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year